Work Continues

 

The weather has turned, but I am still mostly indoors. Even walking into the yard to see what new flowers are up is more than I can do most of the time. My walking is awkward and strained.

            I practice conscious walking with Kinhin. I noted today how amazing it is that we shift weight and balance the entire vertical mass of our bodies on one foot at a time in order to walk. How much easier if we had 4 legs like most animals! I bought a pair of walking poles to gain that advantage. For a few days I made a daily walk down the block with the poles until my right ankle began to hurt at the same time as my left toes began hurting as well (I think I have hammer toes), and so I cut back on the walking.

            I continue classes. That gets me out almost daily though I must drive and my recalcitrant right foot is reluctant to make fluid reactions on the pedals. I try to talk to my car and ally myself with her, and say a little prayer that we will arrive at our destination safely.

            I have attended Andrzej’s Qi Gong class one evening each week, which I’ve enjoyed. I also started a class in Tai Chi Chih with Siobhan because she also knows Qi Gong and I wanted to meet her. I liked the Tai Chi Chih and thought it had potential to be beneficial so I decided to take the series. This shortened form of 19 movements and one pose is simpler to learn than other Tai Chi forms. Siobhan is a merry sort of person and makes it fun.

            One evening a week I attend a Re-evaluation Counseling class and I meet once a week with another student or the teacher for practice sessions. I have already had insights during these sessions, but don’t know if I have accomplished “discharge,” the goal of RC. I sometimes have insights during my daily meditation/prayer, so one would think by now I would be changing. Perhaps I am. Not enough to squash the PD, but that is the goal. Working at it from all angles, I can perhaps gain a handhold and rip it out of my body. Or, if I work at it and loosen it enough, maybe it will just fall out with a little nudge. I’ll keep at it.  

My Meeting With Andrzej

Andrzej is a bald, 65 year old, gnome-like man who teaches and treats people using traditional Asian therapies. He was Sharon’s shiatsu teacher and she gave me his name when I told her I was looking for a teacher for qi gong. He conducts classes nearby and I met with him this week expecting to take his class. Instead of the class, which was canceled, Andrzej talked to me and evaluated my body to try to understand what’s wrong with me.

            Andrzej is the antithesis of Master H. He took his time and asked me many questions. He held my hand while we talked. His eyes and touch were gentle. When I told him about the bruises on my back from Master H, he thought that that wasn’t right. He said my muscles were already tight and that painful massage would make them more so.

            His conclusion is different from others in that he suggests the lung meridian is the problem area for me. Other sources I have consulted have suggested the stomach or the liver meridians are pertinent to PD. He also said that he thought my son’s death had the effect of shocking and causing a contraction in my system that developed into this illness. He gave me a few very simple exercises to begin, such as holding acupressure points and some simple movements.

            Also in contrast to Master H, after spending almost 2 hours with me, Andrzej wanted no payment. I insisted I at least pay him the $15 that his class would have cost.

            I’ve been thinking; I may try to see Andrzej again, or at least take his class.

Master H

I have been searching for a teacher for qi gong and I found Master H, a fifth generation Chinese qi gong master. Although a 45-minute drive away and fairly expensive, I thought I would meet him at least once for therapy and maybe take a class with him.

            His studio was in one of the remaining suburban houses converted to offices off the main drag of a commercial strip. The living room level of the 60’s era split-level was a mirrored studio. There I met the receptionist, while on the other side of the room, Master H sat at his computer. After filling out and handing back the requisite forms, Master H said, “Ready?” and we ascended to the bedroom level.

            “How long you had Parkinson’s?” After I answered he told me to lie on my back on the massage table. He worked on my torso, spending most of the time pressing my abdomen after directing me to distend my belly then exhale as he pushed. Very uncomfortable, but worse was when I turned over and he began work on my back. Pressing hard on various points on my back, he might give me a minute’s break then return with seeming even greater force. At the second break I said, “OWWW…” and he said, “Very strong?” I agreed, then he went at it again for a total, I’m guessing, of 20 minutes until I was groaning. The very worst pain was when he pressed two points at the base of my skull for about a minute.

            Finally, after several attacks on my back and a few forays on my head and feet, he began rubbing ointment and pressing objects onto my back. I asked him what he was doing and he said he was cupping. “What does that do?”

            “It takes out toxins and dampness.” The ointment burned and smelled like Tiger Balm and perhaps it was. He threw a blanket over me and left me for 20 minutes.

            Master H returned, silently removed the cups, rubbed my back roughly, and then said curtly, “Done.”

            “Can I ask you a few questions?” When he nodded I asked if there were any exercises he’d recommend.

            “Buy my book, also I have a DVD.”

“But are there any exercises good for Parkinson’s?”

            “All exercises. I have treated 20 people with Parkinson’s. Nobody cured, but symptoms improve, trembles go away. Can only hope.” He recommended his fasting class, that fasting would be good for me.

            I bought his DVD and drove home. That night when I went to bed I felt some discomfort in my back. I looked in the mirror. There were 6 red circles on my back and bruises arising that by morning were darker yet. So I wasn’t being a wuss. That was serious pain, but I would endure it again if I knew it would help me. I believe however, that qi gong exercise will suffice.

Re-evaluation Counseling

When I lie on the table for my FSR treatment once a week, inevitably I end up talking to Sharon about what I’ve been thinking, and lately, this past year, I have been thinking a lot about my life. Sharon seems concerned that she may not be qualified to advise me about some of my problems. So, she expressed relief when I told her I was investigating Re-evaluation Counseling, a peer-counseling system developed by Harvey Jackins.

             Cousin Leslie told me she has been involved with RC for years, thought I might benefit, and gave me a contact person in my area. Not long after I contacted the person, an introductory meeting was arranged at Sandra’s house. After learning more about the theory of RC, and practicing counseling each other, three of us, June, Meryl and I signed on for a 10-week class with Sandra.

I have had several opportunities to practice RC; the longest session was today when Meryl came to my house and we took turns speaking and listening for half an hour each. The theory is that we all are “loving, cooperative, intelligent, and zestful,” but these qualities become blocked by accumulated painful experiences. If emotional discharge can be affected, these qualities can be restored. In a counseling session, laughing, shaking or crying might achieve emotional discharge.

In RC, a person is free to talk and express himself or herself in a private session with a partner. The partner offers no feedback or advice only listens. As intelligent beings, Jackins deems that we ourselves are most qualified to solve our own problems, if we are not burdened with emotional baggage.

With a timer set, I easily talked for my half hour. I felt afterwards that I had been given a gift -- to be able to speak freely and be listened to with no apparent judgment. I think I’ve been needing that.

My Healing Routine

 

Here is the simple truth: People recover from Parkinson's when they hold the belief that recovery is possible.  Those who believe their health can improve do improve. They take responsibility for their own health and well being and commit to a program that gives their body the support it needs to heal.

                                                                                    Robert Rogers, PhD.

           

Everyday I work on healing myself. The exercises are multi-dimensional and work on different aspects of myself. Some days I do more or less, and I have added and deleted exercises over time. Following is a description of my current “routine.”

            Hopefully up before 7:00 a.m., I stretch my legs and take some deep breaths. Then I get on my Gazelle machine and struggle along for 5 minutes, which seems like a long time because it is very hard for me. I will use it 3-5 times during the day. I go downstairs to see my family before they go off for work and school.

            I eat breakfast and take all my supplements.

            Settling in my usual comfortable chair, I consult the runes. I hold the bag of stones, shuffling through them with the other hand and think about the issues in my life at the moment. I choose one, read about it in The Book of Runes and record it in my journal. I also record what exercises I did the day before.

            Next, I usually read. What I read in the morning is always some kind of spiritual or self-help book. I read for 15 -30 minutes. Then I might do Jin Shin Jyutsu. I start by pressing my palms together and then hold each of the fingers of one hand with the other hand for about a minute each. I allow my thoughts to wander or notice sensations in my body.

            Then I meditate. I have a cushion I sit on facing a glass paperweight or flowers, if I have them. I am now part way through Andrew Weiss’ 10-week course on mindfulness meditation. I count breaths, notice the spaces between breaths, or recite silently:

            I breathe in. I relax my body.

            I breathe out. I smile.

            Dwelling in the present moment –

            I know this is a wonderful moment.

            When I feel it’s time, I follow the meditation with prayer. I usually say the Serenity prayer. I pray for my family, myself, perhaps someone in need, and I express gratitude for all the good things in my life.

Then I do Kinhin, a slow walking meditation around the edges of the rug. Each step corresponds to an in or an out breath. I try to be very aware of each step and all the coordinated body movements involved in walking. 

            Finally, I do Qi Gong exercises I learned from a book called Earth Qi Gong for Women.  After the warm up exercises, I repeat the movements of the two parts of the “Deer Walk” 8 times.

Time for a protein drink, another stint on the Gazelle then I can get on with the day such as taking a shower, getting dressed, cleaning up the kitchen and so forth.

            Then I may go to FSR Therapy, a Feldenkrais, yoga or tango class depending on the day.

            Before going to bed. I will meditate, pray and perhaps do Jin Shin Jyutsu. At the end of the day I see that most of the day has been devoted to MYSELF. It may sound self indulgent, but I intend in this way to heal myself of what is said to be an incurable disease. I have to really work at it, and not only put the time into it, but all the energy I can muster to do it with my whole being.

New Treatments

I have seen a CranioSacral therapist and a nutritionist this week. Both have chiropractic licenses so I can call them doctors.

Dr. H, the CS therapist, brought a massage table to my house so I did not have to drive. The therapy was similar to other energy therapy I have had except her hands moved almost constantly following what CSTs say is the flow of fluids in my body. Afterwards, I thought about it and decided not to continue with CST. Intuitively I felt this wasn’t the right treatment for me.

Dr K, my chiropractor, recommended Dr. M who he said is 80 years old and works as a nutritionist now after a career in chiropractory. Dr. M spent over 3 hours with me although his bill said one hour. He is pumped up about nutrition and how our American diet is making us ill. Whatever he’s eating, it must be helping him -- he has a lot more energy than I do. He also had a different view of PD than what I have heard before. He says it is an inflammatory, autoimmune disease.

Dr. M performed a bioelectrical impedance analysis, which tested my body fat ratio, hydration level and cellular functions. He tested my vitamins to see if I was absorbing them properly. He did this in an interesting way. I put one vitamin at a time into my mouth, wet it with saliva, and then kept it under my tongue. Then he tested the strength of the muscles in my arm and hand. I tested strong for all the vitamins except for the most expensive, name brand multi-vitamin I had been taking. He tested me twice, with different pills and different arms and each time my muscles could not hold firm when he applied force. So therefore, he said there is something my body is reacting negatively to in this vitamin.

A year ago, I learned how to do this kind of muscle testing to see which foods are good for my system. By touching the food with one hand, the other arm can be tested for strength. I followed the results in my diet for 3 months. The foods actually corresponded with those recommended by Josef, an intuitive healer I consulted. I relaxed the diet after 3 months because I didn’t feel any improvement. I guess I didn’t totally trust an intuitive to guide me. Now I am working again on my diet, but consulting a different kind of practitioner.

Dr. M said that holding the food in the mouth is more reliable than merely touching it, but he acknowledged that that method works as well. I don’t know how it works however.

The result is I am taking stronger doses of some vitamins such as fish oil, having a protein drink 3 times a day and altering my diet. The diet is low-acid, yeast and gluten-free. All dairy and all wheat and other gluten is out. I should avoid sugar, caffeine, alcohol, citrus, fatty meats and processed foods. There are other limitations as well, but all vegetables are okay (not corn though).

I’m willing to give it my best shot, and I feel good about it. It feels good to be doing something that is a real change in my life.

My Inheritance

            I continue to light a candle on my ancestors altar. All along though, I have felt a little uncomfortable. I have remembered the ones I knew personally, and thought about the ones who died before I was born. There was poverty, homes evacuated in wartime, disease, early death, alcoholism, emigration, bad marriage, abandonment, estrangement, divorce. There was hard work, always manual labor: farming, fishing, logging, ironing, cooking. I hope there were some pleasures in life, like love and joy, assisted I know by liberal quantities of alcohol. Few that I knew were religious, or very spiritually oriented as far as I could tell. The ones, who survived, prospered and lead comfortable lives in their later years.

However, as I think of them and tentatively petition for their support and guidance, somehow I can’t see many of them in this role. Our connection is too fragile. They didn’t ask for anyone’s help, they survived and they did it stoically and without a lot of spiritual nonsense.  They weren’t, most of them, the image of the wise and nurturing matriarchs and patriarchs. Their old age and deaths were not gentle, transformative, but seemed to be lonely even bitter.

Can I respect them and appreciate them for all their qualities the noble and the flawed?

It occurred to me this week that rather than my seeking something from them; I should be the one giving and sending love out to them. Maybe that really is the point. Again, I find myself seeing the negative in a situation and realize I need to turn it around and create love, compassion, and gratitude in myself.

I haven’t been honoring the ancestors just seeing their faults. They lived, they suffered, and they did the best they could. What is my inheritance? To take what they began, and learn from it. They have already completed their lesson.