More About Tango

I have been going to tango class twice a week. My teachers, Eileen and Kerry have traveled to meet with both Gammon Earhart and Madeline Hackney, researchers who have been experimenting with the effects of tango as therapy for PD. Eileen is even quitting her job to go full-time into tango therapy.

Today’s class was not a PD class; I am the only one in the class with a health issue. Lately, I’ve been feeling a decrease in the ability to move in the class and am starting to hesitate in going. I might feel differently if others there had my problem.

We were working on the Milonga today, a version of tango that has a certain beat -- bom ba bombom, bom ba bombom— that is like the Habanera in Carmen. The quick-quick step proved very difficult for me. Though I could feel the beat I could not get my feet to do what I wanted. I kept stopping in frustration and was on the point of tears.

Everyone was kind. Each of the three men invited me to keep trying. Jaime told me I did very well (liar), and Shelly made me laugh which helped me relax and do better. After a few minutes of Argentine tango with Norwid I was doing better still. His body is very relaxed and now he is used to my stumbles and hesitations and waits calmly for me to regain my balance. It is amazing to me how at times, I seem to be gliding effortlessly across the floor when I dance with Norwid, who is an experienced dancer.

So with their support and the positive energy of the other women there, I left the class feeling cheerful and looking forward to the next class, though I hope we don’t do the Milonga.

Jin Shin Jyutsu

 

One of my tango teachers, Kerry, is a holistic healer. One treatment she offers is Jin Shin Jyutsu, a type of energy medicine. For about 6 months I was treated by a practitioner of the Donna Eden approach to energy medicine and performed daily exercises longer than that. Qi Gong, which I practice now, is a system of exercises intended to strengthen energy. The PD Recovery team also recognizes energy flow as a component of treatment. I was curious how Jin Shin Jyutsu compares to these other three practices. This month I went for three different hour-long treatments at Kerry’s home.

            At each treatment I lie on a table fully clothed with pillows for my head and knees. Kerry places the tips of her fingers very gently on different points on my body. Sometimes she consults a book during the session. Occasionally, she comments on impressions she receives. During the second session she commented that she sensed a giant awaking inside me.

Today, she began by first putting one hand on the inside of my left ankle while her other hand touched a point on my right hip. She told me that this was the “Skeptic’s” or “Doubting Thomas” hold. When I asked why it was called this she said that it was a very powerful hold and that people who doubted that Jin Shin Jyutsu worked were often converted after experiencing a dramatic shift.

I said I would welcome a shift.

            It just so happened that the two points she was holding were in two areas that were giving me pain lately. After some time holding these points she moved to my left foot and used both hands there. I felt a lot of sensation including a surging kind of feeling, throbbing, and intermittent pain as she touched different points on my foot. She too could feel a lot of movement inside my foot.

            Most of the time, the treatment was gentle and relaxing.

            Unfortunately though, there was no dramatic shift. I went from the treatment to tango class, and amazing to myself, but as usual, I was able to dance, even though I had been struggling to walk earlier in the day.

What a strange enigma.

Honoring the Ancestors

 

On the antique dresser that I so laboriously refinished last summer, breaking a toe in the process, is an assortment of framed photographs. These photos with a large ball candle inherited from my grandma, four clear glass swans passed on to me from my mother and a strand of prayer beads constitute my ancestor altar. There are pictures of those who have passed, grandparents, great grandparents, aunts, uncles, including my brother and son.

            Each evening before I go to bed, I light the candle while I try to meditate and pray.

            The Buddhists and others around the world have such altars. As I have tried to reach out spiritually to my son and my brother, I have also begun to remember others in my family more frequently. In a crisis that occurred in my household recently, I found myself calling out in desperation to my ancestors for help. When all turned out well, I thanked them. Now, I have a more formal place to remember them. I do feel supported when I think of those who have lived before me, and whose lives so directly connect to mine.

            … In the beginning of the year and when it ends,

                        we remember them.

            When we are weary and in need of strength,

                        we remember them.

            When we are lost and sick at heart,

                        we remember them.

            When we have joys we yearn to share,

                        we remember them.

            So long as we live, they too shall live,

                        for they are now a part of us, as

                        we remember them.

From a Jewish prayer, in Life Prayers From Around the World; 365 Prayers, Blessings, and Affirmations to Celebrate the Human Journey, Elizabeth Roberts & Elias Amidon

Doing Vs. Being

November has been a change from the previous two months. In the first week of the month my mother visited causing a change of routine. The emphasis was on being with my mother whom I hadn’t seen in over a year.

            After she left, I began spending time being in the clay studio. I’d woken up a few times in the night thinking about clay. Although I had been giving clay lessons to three children this fall I hadn’t created anything myself since the summer.

So for the next two weeks of the month I spent a few hours each day in the studio. I didn’t produce much. I tried some new things that flopped, and as with everything else, I move slowly. Nevertheless, it was satisfying to be in the little studio. I listen to music and look through the double doors at the squirrels in the fall garden, and encourage my right hand to work along with my left. I like when it grows dark outside and I am in the brightly lit studio with a work in progress. It’s very cozy as the days grow short.

Being in the clay studio means sacrificing something else, so for three weeks I have not been to the gym. I exercise each morning with Qi Gong or yoga. I meditate, and do Dr. K’s eye and finger exercises.  With that and the puppy and cleaning up the kitchen, most of the morning is gone.

So occasionally, or more than occasionally, I have an inkling of guilt – that I’m not doing enough or not doing it well enough to get healthy.

I wondered today, what should I be doing? What are the most important things I can do to make myself well? And believe me, I have a great sack of things I could be doing, information gathered from all quarters. What came to me as I was pondering these questions was that it is not so important what I am doing, but it is more important what I am being.

So: being with my mother, being in the clay studio, being in my body, being in the place and the moment where I am. That is what I think is important. That is a goal. And how to achieve it? If I can tune into my heart it will lead the way.

Connecting to Nature

            In the recent documentary film “The Horse Boy,” the parents of an autistic boy bring him from their home in Texas to Mongolia. The boy connects to animals in a special way. They hope the nomadic shamans will be able to help their son. A gathering of shamans who undertake a healing all agree, the spirit of a woman on the mother’s side is clinging to the boy and harming him. After a long journey on horseback they meet a shaman of the reindeer people who may be the healer they seek. I won’t give away the ending.

            I have not yet carried out all the instructions given to me by Beatrice, the shaman, indeed very few. Lately, my family has required much of my time. But I have tried to connect with nature. This is a pleasure because of the extended and colorful autumn we are having this year.

            Today I rode my bike to Quaker meeting partly through the woods that adjoin the property. I don’t ride very fast, a runner on foot passed me, but I can do it. Yellow and red leaves were glowing in the morning sun. On one stretch, there were enormous tulip poplars by the trail.

On the way home I stopped by one of the giants and maneuvered myself as close as I could and put my arms around the trunk. Beatrice told me I could benefit from the strength of trees. It was a nice feeling. I have hugged some trees in my garden, but they’re not very big ones. I admit it -- I even kiss them. That was my idea. It’s hard to resist if you’re hugging anyway.

Of course I don’t do this when anyone’s looking, though I really don’t know what I should be ashamed of. To be called a tree hugger? Well I am, most literally.

About Insight

Gaining insights about my life, my family, and myself has been a welcome result of my inner work recently.

I subscribe to the Heartmath Institute’s newsletter. The Institute studies the human heart’s role beyond that of a simple blood circulation pump. It has found that being in attunement to one’s heart waves or “coherence” is the way to achieve a state of ease. The latest email newsletter from the Heartmath Institute was about insight.

If you have an insight about your life they recommend you first appreciate the insight, then appreciate the positive feelings associated with the insight. Next, they suggest you write down and periodically check back on the insight. Finally, you act and make changes in your life influenced by the insight.

This all makes sense, but making a change, as I’ve found, is very difficult to do. Receiving frequent gentle advice from many sources as frequently as possible helps me keep trying.

www.heartmath.org

Second Thoughts

I hesitated before I posted the last entry about my brother. I felt some fear and regret in allowing these thoughts out into the world, and also I think, some guilt. And it wasn’t just that I didn’t want the world to know I harbored bad feelings for my brother.

Today I had the thought that, “you and me brother, we are the same.”

            What he learned, I learned. What he did, I do. How in my life do I manifest the traits that I found regrettable in him? When am I negative towards others? What about negativity towards myself?

Negativity is part of my inheritance and it is a big part of what I need to work on in myself. Louise Hay suggests looking in the mirror frequently and saying, “I love you.” But more than that, I need to practice loving and showing love for my family by saying POSITIVE things and thinking POSITIVE thoughts about them.