Drumming and Humming

I haven't written for a long while, not because I have nothing to say, but because my typing is so bad. I practically have to fix every word. It's frustrating and slow. Even worse is my handwriting though I write everyday in my paper journal. I write a word and I realize it is illegible. I try to fix it and end up by making it worse, so I cross it out and write it again. Sometimes it still looks illegible.    

I read back over my journals, what could be more interesting to me than to reminisce about all my life's occurrences? It is to me. None of it is important in relation to the world and all its dramas, comedies and tragedies. My life is a small drop in the ocean, but it is part of the ocean. We are all part of the same ocean, as Ming Tong Gu says, "an ocean of energy."

My qigong studies continue, and now I am leading a Zoom qigong group every Tuesday morning. For some reason people like it; I have regulars who show up every week, sometimes as many as twelve, but more often only six.  I have three different practice sequences that I know by heart to work with, and I've added things, like self massage and energy warm ups as I feel my way through the challenges of teaching.

I practice by myself everyday. I take an hour or so as soon as I get up in the morning. I've gotten to be quite disciplined about it, but not rigid. There are times when it's neglected, not routinely though. I find myself thinking about the Zoom class as I practice alone, how to improve what I am doing, to communicate more clearly and so forth. It sometimes distracts from what I should be doing - concentrating on my own body, mind, and being. Lately I've tried to incorporate sound healing every day, and standing meditation (but I often sit instead of stand).

Added to the qigong I have started taking a Zoom class in yogic drumming that I really think is good for me and my condition. 

All in all I'm feeling pretty good and happy most days. I have discouraging times, when I find I've lost some ability, like not being strong enough to swim in the surf, or ride a bicycle without falling, or play my ukulele.

It makes me sad to lose these things. But they are going gradually, one at a time, and I adjust. I concentrate on what I can do, and am very grateful when I can add new experiences to my days, that I'm not totally worn out yet! 

Persevere, be persistent! Onward in the effort to overcome and conquer! Parkinson's Disease, I'm not afraid of you!

What I've Lost - What I've Gained

 What I've lost:

      clear, fluid speech

     short term memory

;    long term memory

     nimble fingers, hands, limbs

     facial expressiveness

    35 pounds

What I've gained:

        better discipline

        improved physical fitness

        acceptance

        more appreciation

        new awareness

        true friends 

         

I could add and probably will add other Losses and Gains as I think of them. This is me NOW. I'd like to be more specific and give examples - but later.

List making can be a useful tool.

    

    

   

    

Progress

I feel like I am progressing in reverse, which is exactly what I want to do.

I'm very hopeful.

The western medical establishment declares Parkinson's to be a progressive disease, but I don't believe it. The progress I seek is toward healing, not towards deterioration. 

when my eyes only needed sunglasses

I had cataract surgery, successfully completed, but with a lot of time and effort stretched over two months. It started after a call on an opthamologist about my sore eyes. I was told I had chronic dry eye, apparently a symptom of PD (I blink too slowly my opthamologist said). And then I also learned I had operable cataracts. I'm happy I can see much better now.






I added two more supplements. to my regimen. One of them is for the chronic dry eye, called "Vision Alive." I've taken it for over 6 weeks now. It has compounds from bilberry and blueberry. and for the first time in a long while my eyes are not sore when I wake up in the morning, or during the day, except if I  use the computer too much, or watch a long show on the TV.

a painting from many years back

The other one is a probiotic, made from plants. it contains bacteria subtilis, which I had read is useful in removing harmful bacteria found to be numerous in the gut of Parkies. The bad bacteria may be the cause of the disease.












It's worth a try,  I thought, even if it's only been tried on mice with PD. Since starting it, about the same time as the Vision Alive, I have reduced my daily dose of CL from 5 to 4 to 3 pills/day.
It has only been a few days on the lower doses. I can't draw definite conclusions yet, but as I said, I'm hopeful. I'm on the path.

landscapes are from Block Island

That Healthy Glow

I love this cartoon; the patients face and glow. and the face of the doctor. The doctor reminds me of my first neurologist who was so displeased when I did not take my medication. I was not doing as well as this fellow, but nowadays I feel pretty damn good, much of the time.

Is it the supplements such as high dosage B1, is it the Rock Steady Boxing, the morning reading and writing, the time to do what I wish and time to rest, the daily qi gong practice, the Re-evaluation Counseling or is it the medications, the carbidopa levadopa and Gocovri?

Maybe all of it.






But this is an undoctored photo my husband took of me doing qi gong. I was facing the rising sun.


Is it the sun, or is it a photo of me bathing in the ocean of light? I wonder.

China Qigong Retreat

My teacher in China Jianshe, a wise, smiling man in his mid 50's who speaks English well, but with a thick accent, is a practitioner of Zhineng qigong, or Wisdom Healing qigong. It is the same type of qigong as taught by Ming Tong Gu in New Mexico, but I found their approaches to be quite different.

Jianshe

The main difference is in the way the two teachers approach the practice. Ming Tong Gu suggests visualizations to strengthen the feeling and flow of qi through the body, such as a flood of light or an ocean of energy washing over and through your body. Jianshe says, no visualizations! Nothing! Jianshe says, the most important thing is to relax your body. Which should I do? I am experimenting with both: emptying my mind of thoughts, visualizations, and allowing my mind to project images. Actually, it seems they can work alternately in one practice - I do both.

Jianshe often mentioned Anita Moorjani, whose talks and book share what she learned about life and healing while in a near death coma. She saw the truth, he said. The Truth. I've listed her book in the sidebar.

the Center

Traveling to China is much farther to go than New Mexico, but the total two week retreat cost plus airfare proved to be less to go to China. Everything seemed to cost less in China, though shopping was not a big factor on the trip.

All meals were supplied, and was extremely healthful, cooked by our young Chinese chef, Yan and his father-in-law, Bai, who was driver and purchaser as well. The fare was local vegetables and fresh tropical fruit, rice, wheat noodles, tea and coffee with an occasional bit of chicken or fish.

foreground l-r: Yan, Jenny, Bai 

Bai's daughter, Yan's wife Jenny, was the other English speaking teacher at the center, and the fourth member of Jianshe's team.









Our typical day the first week and even during the second week when we traveled to other locations on the island of Hainan was this:

6:00 coffee or tea if you wanted
6:30 walk or bike to the beach for qigong practice or else on the roof: Lift Chi Up Pour Chi Down
9:00 breakfast
10:00 meet with Jianshe for Chi song, La Chi, talk, question and answer
12:00 lunch
1:00 rest/freetime
3:00 varied: qigong eye exercises, visit to a local site, calligraphy lesson, tea ceremony...
6:00 dinner
7:30 varied: sometimes the group would practice together on the roof or inside, or go out for a beer

qigong at the beach

The weather in April was very hot and humid in Hainan, the very most southern part of China. They said unseasonably so, but that it would be much worse in summer. So our group, consisting of six German women and two American women from northern states suffered greatly from the heat and  we probably spent more time in our air conditioned rooms than we might have otherwise. It was therefore, a restful, even lazy, retreat.

Jianshe relaxing at the coconut farm

Since leaving China, I have continued to practice the Lift Chi Up... movements daily. I was able to finally memorize the sequence by the end of the two week retreat. I have a routine. Each morning after I make my bed, and drink some water, I sing the Chi song, with Ling Ling on a recording or by myself. Then I either do Yin Yoga, or some qigong warm up movements that I learned at a recent "Slow Yoga and Qigong" retreat at Kripalu. Then the movements one time through. I follow this up with a daily reading from "Courage to Change," writing in my journal and reading a book that I can learn something from. Now I'm reading about understanding poetry.

All of this is in my bedroom where I have created a quiet, peaceful corner for these activities.
Occasionally, I have done other qigong practices on my own later in the day, and I go once a week to do a short practice with a friend or two, along with a YouTube video. It's not enough. I am doing well, someone said I looked "radiant" recently, but I know I need to do more. PD is not so easy to
overcome. I need to keep pushing on.

The retreat group plus friends

Gongs, Bongs and B1

Working on my health from various angles, I can share three new strategies I've been using to heal myself. I am not healed, but I am doing damn well most of the time.

First, the qigong: I have completed two gongs, 100 consecutive days of a chosen qigong practice. It's a contract you make with yourself, to without fail, practice everyday. If you miss a day,  you do twice as much the next one. If you miss two days, you start over again. I did not let myself miss two days - God forbid!





To continue on with qigong, I need to think of another gong. For now I am lost in the dark days of winter, dealing with family issues and making casseroles, taking a break from studio work and some days even from qigong. However, now I feel I need it in order to feel well. That's what a 100 day gong can do!


In April I am traveling with another lovely lady to the tropical island of Hainan in China for a qigong retreat. It lasts for 2 weeks, and like my last retreat with Mingtong Gu in New Mexico, we will study Zhineng qigong, a qigong practice developed by the famous Dr Pang of China's Medicineless Hospital. It is a long journey to China from New Jersey, but worth it, I hope, for a deeper understanding of qigong and of myself.







The second strategy is pot, the bongs in this post's title, I now have a Medical Marijuana license to obtain the weed from a nearby dispensary. That will be a new adventure right there. I will meet with a counselor first to determine the best strain of cannabis for me since the various strains have different effects. They will be selling bongs and pipes and papers too, I suppose. I have tried it before and I believe in its value for emotional healing.




The third new therapy I am experimenting with is high dose Thiamine or B1. Dr. Constantini in Italy believes it can be used for PD, to slow it down or reduce symptoms. He works with me by email and since he doesn't write English, we use Deep Translator to communicate. I have tried different doses and it seems we have found the right one now, because I am feeling so well.

It's a new year. I have much work to do to beat my adversary - the Parkinson's Diagnosis. I want to win.

Past Lives

I have always wondered, is this our only life to live and does death mean the complete end to our soul or consciousness? Or after death do our souls rise to heaven, or sink into hell or somewhere in between? Or alternatively, are we reincarnated into a new body and continue? And if that's so, have we lived another lifetime before our current life?

Petroglyph ridge, New Mexico

I went to a therapist for Past Life Regression Therapy to get some answers. I had read an article about the emotional causes of PD, and the author suggested that past lives regression therapy could be helpful in reversing the disease. I found through the internet a list of therapists, but only one near me that seemed active. I called her and straight away she told me her fee. Did I still want to proceed?
I did.







After a long drive I arrived in Media, Pennsylvania and the old stone house that is both Carol Bowman's home and office. We climbed two flights of narrow pie stairs that spiraled up to the attic, lit by skylights and a window overlooking a garden shaded by large trees.


Carol interviewed me, taking notes as I answered questions about my current issues and my history from childhood until the present. From her notes she extracted a list of themes. She read them aloud and after several repetitions I narrowed the list to one theme: "They will hurt me."

Then it was time to do the regression. Comfortably settled in a reclining chair, soothing music playing softly, she led me through a guided meditation. Then I was to think of my theme and notice what images came to mind. I had a brief flash of a silhouetted girl's figure running away from the woods. It was very flat and colorless, and no other images. She asked me questions about the girl and I tried to open my mind, but it was guesswork, supposition only, as I expanded on the story. What was she afraid of? A man. Who was the man? Her father. And so on, but it didn't feel true. It wasn't working and finally I stopped and told her so.



We talked for a long while after, she's a lovely woman, and we agreed that I'm a "hard nut to crack."
I knew that before I went. I suspected I might not be a good candidate for regression, hard to hypnotize, hard to open up, resistant. My conscious mind was willing, but something inside keeps me from "cracking."

Sudden Insight, by EH

I am reading Carol Bowman's book now, and I wish I had before I saw her. "Children's Past Lives," is a personal account of her experiences and her study of past life regression. It has convinced me that there is something in us, a soul, spirit that transcends death and can reincarnate in another human form. This is proved by the memories of past lives that can be accessed during trance states. Carol writes that one's past lives are connected to the present, and can have a negative effect on our health. If  there are unresolved issues in the previous life, or one has experienced a sudden or violent death or horrible illness (not uncommon in the history of mankind), they can manifest in different ways in the present. Past life regression therapy is the process of healing present life illnesses, phobias, and other psychological issues by remembering the events that triggered the phobia in a past life, seeing one's death* and aftermath and thereby working through and erasing the negative effects in the current life.





Carol Bowman's own children were the inspiration for her book. Both her son and daughter almost effortlessly recalled past lives and were cured of phobias and even physical conditions after regressions, with no negative consequences. Even though the memories at the time of regression were painful, the children bounced back, happy and carefree.

Remarkable and convincing - what I write may not be, but Carol's book is.

Now what? I meditated this morning and thought of a theme for my problems that might be more appropriate. "I am frozen." Could an event in one or more of my past lives somehow be causing my Parkinson Disease symptoms? Would I be able to find out on my own, without a therapist? I have some exploration ahead of me.

Artist unknown

* People experiencing regressions describe floating above and viewing their own dead body, or seeing a light as do people who have had NDE's, Near Death Experiences.