Confidence

Since my last entry, more than a year ago, I have been relatively stable - not progressing much, maybe improving in some ways while slipping in others. I credit it to the work I do on my whole self. By that I mean all my centers: head, heart and body. I think it is essential to address all three in order to heal, or that's what I've learned. 

I enjoy the head part. I like to read and have a time in the morning that I read more challenging material such as biography, history, poetry, philosophy, religion, any non-fiction. I discover new ideas, thought provoking ideas, inspiring stories, but some readings are not to my liking. I discovered that I hate Nietzsche. 

During the day I may read the newspaper or a magazine. At night I read a novel, always in bed before I go to sleep.

Another head activity I enjoy is writing as you might guess. I keep a daily journal that I feel compelled to write in every morning. It really is a compulsion. My memory is such that I can't remember what I did the day before, so that is one reason I keep a journal - to remember. But it is also a heart activity. I need to write to understand and calm my feelings.

For the head I also like to play games and puzzles: Scrabble, crosswords, anagrams, and solitaire by myself, and card games, board games, and any kind of game with other people. And this last kind of mind activity also leaks over into the heart side. Being engaged with others is both a mental and emotional activity. We like to compete, challenge ourselves, and we really like to laugh, all of us love to laugh, and games are a great way to stimulate that.

For heart really it is being with people, nature and animals. I will sacrifice any plans for a friend. If I have some private plan of my own for a day I will put it aside if a friend wants to meet, or talk. Sometimes I do it grudgingly at first, but am always glad I did. What could be more important than spending time with a friend?  Grocery shopping? Exercise class? Housework? Cooking, eating? 

Being in Nature is more heart healthy work. I don't go out as much in the winter, but getting out to see sky, sun, clouds, breath fresh air, walk on the surface of the earth, to ground oneself is essential to wellness, so I bundle up and go. 

And being with animals is healing. With our pets the nonverbal, the heart-based interaction makes  us more compassionate. I feel my heart going out to the old, tired cat who we are caring for despite the extra attention he needs. He is another being, just like the bug or the tree or the mountain. I feel my heart pause when I slam the bug in the bathroom. After all, it was alive a moment ago and now it's not. Soft-hearted yes, but I think that's a good thing. I never used to think about it. Now I feel regret for the smallest thing.

 (to be continued)

artwork by Pousette-Dart