What's Next?

 

It seems I have reached the peak and slid down the other side, but just a short way. I am functioning well at the same dosage as before, however my walking, for instance, is not as impressive. I struggle and shuffle at times. I haven’t been able to keep up a smooth walk for very long although I was able to a couple of months ago.

            I don’t want to get into an analysis of my symptoms here – a dreary description of my defects. Instead I wonder - did I think I was going to be maintained forever at the same level I was early in the drug treatment?

I had read in J.J.’s book and elsewhere that PD drugs lose their efficacy over time. I had no idea how long the Mirapex would be effective, the doctor would not tell me, and while I was enjoying the benefits I didn’t fret about my eventual decline. I don’t now. I am doing well, so much better than pre-Mirapex; only the idea that I could return to my job is less plausible.

Perhaps this journal now becomes a record of drug therapy. Will I go on to increasing my dosages until they are so high that I must shift to a new medication bringing with me new symptoms and side effects gained from the drug? Or will it be all good – a steady progression of falling into new ways of treating the disease with palliative drugs?

Or will I find that continuing with meditation, prayer, and working to change from the inside out will facilitate genuine healing? It has become harder to do this work these days. I’m distracted by all the things I can do physically. My old manic energy wants to reassert itself and take me away. I pray that it won’t, but it wakes me and keeps me awake in the middle of the night. It is that powerful.