Doing Vs. Being

November has been a change from the previous two months. In the first week of the month my mother visited causing a change of routine. The emphasis was on being with my mother whom I hadn’t seen in over a year.

            After she left, I began spending time being in the clay studio. I’d woken up a few times in the night thinking about clay. Although I had been giving clay lessons to three children this fall I hadn’t created anything myself since the summer.

So for the next two weeks of the month I spent a few hours each day in the studio. I didn’t produce much. I tried some new things that flopped, and as with everything else, I move slowly. Nevertheless, it was satisfying to be in the little studio. I listen to music and look through the double doors at the squirrels in the fall garden, and encourage my right hand to work along with my left. I like when it grows dark outside and I am in the brightly lit studio with a work in progress. It’s very cozy as the days grow short.

Being in the clay studio means sacrificing something else, so for three weeks I have not been to the gym. I exercise each morning with Qi Gong or yoga. I meditate, and do Dr. K’s eye and finger exercises.  With that and the puppy and cleaning up the kitchen, most of the morning is gone.

So occasionally, or more than occasionally, I have an inkling of guilt – that I’m not doing enough or not doing it well enough to get healthy.

I wondered today, what should I be doing? What are the most important things I can do to make myself well? And believe me, I have a great sack of things I could be doing, information gathered from all quarters. What came to me as I was pondering these questions was that it is not so important what I am doing, but it is more important what I am being.

So: being with my mother, being in the clay studio, being in my body, being in the place and the moment where I am. That is what I think is important. That is a goal. And how to achieve it? If I can tune into my heart it will lead the way.

Connecting to Nature

            In the recent documentary film “The Horse Boy,” the parents of an autistic boy bring him from their home in Texas to Mongolia. The boy connects to animals in a special way. They hope the nomadic shamans will be able to help their son. A gathering of shamans who undertake a healing all agree, the spirit of a woman on the mother’s side is clinging to the boy and harming him. After a long journey on horseback they meet a shaman of the reindeer people who may be the healer they seek. I won’t give away the ending.

            I have not yet carried out all the instructions given to me by Beatrice, the shaman, indeed very few. Lately, my family has required much of my time. But I have tried to connect with nature. This is a pleasure because of the extended and colorful autumn we are having this year.

            Today I rode my bike to Quaker meeting partly through the woods that adjoin the property. I don’t ride very fast, a runner on foot passed me, but I can do it. Yellow and red leaves were glowing in the morning sun. On one stretch, there were enormous tulip poplars by the trail.

On the way home I stopped by one of the giants and maneuvered myself as close as I could and put my arms around the trunk. Beatrice told me I could benefit from the strength of trees. It was a nice feeling. I have hugged some trees in my garden, but they’re not very big ones. I admit it -- I even kiss them. That was my idea. It’s hard to resist if you’re hugging anyway.

Of course I don’t do this when anyone’s looking, though I really don’t know what I should be ashamed of. To be called a tree hugger? Well I am, most literally.

About Insight

Gaining insights about my life, my family, and myself has been a welcome result of my inner work recently.

I subscribe to the Heartmath Institute’s newsletter. The Institute studies the human heart’s role beyond that of a simple blood circulation pump. It has found that being in attunement to one’s heart waves or “coherence” is the way to achieve a state of ease. The latest email newsletter from the Heartmath Institute was about insight.

If you have an insight about your life they recommend you first appreciate the insight, then appreciate the positive feelings associated with the insight. Next, they suggest you write down and periodically check back on the insight. Finally, you act and make changes in your life influenced by the insight.

This all makes sense, but making a change, as I’ve found, is very difficult to do. Receiving frequent gentle advice from many sources as frequently as possible helps me keep trying.

www.heartmath.org

Second Thoughts

I hesitated before I posted the last entry about my brother. I felt some fear and regret in allowing these thoughts out into the world, and also I think, some guilt. And it wasn’t just that I didn’t want the world to know I harbored bad feelings for my brother.

Today I had the thought that, “you and me brother, we are the same.”

            What he learned, I learned. What he did, I do. How in my life do I manifest the traits that I found regrettable in him? When am I negative towards others? What about negativity towards myself?

Negativity is part of my inheritance and it is a big part of what I need to work on in myself. Louise Hay suggests looking in the mirror frequently and saying, “I love you.” But more than that, I need to practice loving and showing love for my family by saying POSITIVE things and thinking POSITIVE thoughts about them.