Feldenkrais

            Feldenkrais class is pleasant, quiet, and seems to me to be potentially helpful. We lie on large, foam mats and are guided to make small repetitive movements. In one class we focused on our shoulders and neck only, but today we used a wider range from hands to feet. I don’t know much about it so I did a search. Here is what I read on the Feldenkrais website:

The Feldenkrais Method is for anyone who wants to reconnect with their natural abilities to move, think and feel…these gentle lessons can improve your overall well-being.

Learning to move with less effort makes daily life easier. Because the Feldenkrais Method focuses on the relationship between movement and thought, increased mental awareness and creativity accompany physical improvements.

There are so many types of bodywork in our world today and I’m lucky to live where they are available. Maybe I do too many different things, maybe I should focus on one modality, but since I have a leave of absence from work, I have a chance to try many things, and I think that’s good.

http://www.feldenkrais.com/ 

An Inspiration

Thank you Howard! I’ve been reading his blog, “Fighting Parkinson’s Drug Free,” which shares how he successfully recovered from severe PD, or as he puts it, became “symptom free.” Reading his blog gives me hope and confidence that I am on the right track in not taking drugs. The methods of treatment he used are similar to my own, including FSR and heart exercises that he read about in J.J.’s book.

What astounded me was the rapidity of his recovery. I can’t help but wonder what I might not be doing or what I might be doing wrong that I am still so stuck. It’s been 3 months since I first met J.J. After all, I traveled across the country and spent 2 weeks with her and the other PD team members. Howard does a few days of FSR at home and starts recovery. However, I’m just curious as to why we’re different, not too troubled. As I said, Howard gives me hope.

            I decided to do some Qi Gong exercises this morning. I had learned the Eight Pieces of Brocade from a DVD by Dr. Yang, Jwing-Ming, but hadn’t done them in awhile. The exercises are meant to get the energy moving in the body, and each exercise in the Eight Pieces of Brocade works on different major organs. Doing six repetitions of each exercise took about a half hour. I spent another half hour in meditation. I read from Myss, Hay, and Suzuki’s Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind. I took my supplements. I drank my special drink. I’ve been GOOD; I’m ready to be well.

            But I’ll be patient. I am seeing more each day how much I have to learn. And that takes time.

The Reason

“People often wonder why their spiritual lives began with an illness or a life trauma; illnesses and life crises are often the ways the soul finally gets through to you to take charge of your life.”

Caroline Myss from Entering the Castle

            My soul has been batting me over the head for some time if what Myss says is true. I have had life crises. Isn’t there a word, “soul-shattering?” I have had crises like that. At each crisis there was an opportunity to draw on the best in myself. I could have changed my life each time, but I don’t think I did. The crisis I have now, my illness, is getting even more personal. It’s not a loved ones death or a shattered relationship, but my own body and its mind, heart and soul that is threatened.

            I find this idea of the soul trying to “get through” inspiring. If everything happens for a reason, then this disease has a reason, and it could in fact be for a good reason.  What if I change my life, what if I find my better self because of it? If I accept the purpose of the disease and fulfill it, might I not lose the need for the disease?            

From the Sublime to the Mundane

I took my time this morning with meditation, prayer in my usual bamboo chair. The chair faces the attached greenhouse where there are now plants brought in from summering outside. I divided and repotted some of them and all got spruced up and topped off with new soil. So I spent some time sitting and admiring the plants in between trying to remember to meditate.

            Then, I read from the beginning of Louise Hay’s, You Can Heal Your Life, reading some of it out loud to myself. I’d read it before about a year ago, but I thought I might read it again and actually do the exercises.

            Lastly, I sat outside, still in my bathrobe, and looked at the garden, and felt very moved by the golden light on the tops of the trees as the sun rose higher. I felt gratitude for having such a beautiful place to be.

            Unfortunately, this enlightened beginning was completely forgotten  (until now) by the hours I spent completing forms on-line for Social Security Disability Insurance. They asked for more information than I expected, e.g. dates and salaries of my last 5 jobs. This caused a form to be lost when I exceeded the 30-minute time allowance for the page while searching for old pay stubs.

            I was flummoxed by the arrangement of YES and NO bubbles. A question on the form looks like this:

-O Have you been prescribed any medication by this doctor? YES NO –O

I actually called SS to make sure I was checking the right bubble (the first bubble at the beginning is for YES).

            Tired, crotchety afterwards, I let Henry perform his magic with frozen foods while I drank a beer. Can I resume the morning’s serenity? I could go look at the moon…

FSR Therapy

Every week I see Sharon for FSR (Forceless Spontaneous Release). She places her hands on either side of a part of my body—usually my right foot or ankle, and holds it gently but firmly until she feels a release of energy in that part of the body. Then she moves her hands to another area. She sometimes holds the same area for most of the hour-long session. Fortunately, she is calm and patient. We usually talk, and I have opened up to her with some very personal stuff.

Sharon is a massage therapist who specializes in Shiatsu. She learned FSR by my request from J.J.’s (Janice Walton-Hadlock) book downloaded from the PD Recovery website.

            According to J.J:

The original cause of Parkinson’s is two-fold. The one of the causes is a perfectly normal foot injury. The second part is dissociation from pain to the extent that the injury cannot heal. This combination leads to permanence of a perfectly logical variation on the normal [energy] channel pattern – a variation that is only supposed to be activated for a short time. This variation should only preside until the injury heals enough for normal Qi flow to resume. In Parkinson’s, the injury never heals because of dissociation.

            The technique of FSR is supposed to heal the old injury and allow the flow of Qi to be corrected. After that there is more work to do, but that is the beginning. The issues that caused there to be dissociation need to be addressed for a complete recovery. J.J. and her PD Team have seen many recoveries since they began their work. I hope I will be one of them.

The Battle With Time

Although I am not working at a job now, I am nevertheless feeling that I don’t have enough time. The sun is reaching the western horizon and I am crying, “Where has the day gone?” and looking back to see what I’ve accomplished. Usually it is not very much, but it is something. I can’t say I’ve been squandering my precious time.

            The fact is I’m slow. I can tell by looking at others, like my husband Henry. If I ask him to do something for me, maybe chop some vegetables, he seems to zip through the task with amazing speed. I never noticed that before. I plod through the identical task taking three times as long. Was I once speedy like him? I was.

            I’ve been working at not being at odds with time. Not to feel like there must be a lot of crossings off on my to-do list everyday. To know that there are priorities and most other tasks are of negligible importance.

            I’ve tried remembering that time is a human creation, that God and the soul are timeless. If I ponder that I start to drop my antagonism towards time. I would rather work to be really present in the moment, really appreciating my life, and then time would have no significance. 

A Visit to Dr. V

I went to Dr. V to get some medical forms filled out and to get a prescription. I am applying for social security disability insurance because I have taken a leave of absence from work. It’s the first September in 9 years I have not been teaching. I had no intention of taking the medication, but it might be helpful to have a prescription to fill in the blank in the application. I’ve been told it can be difficult to get SSDI with a diagnosis of PD.

            Dr. V was more cheerful with me now that I seemed more willing to take drugs. Last time he was quite disgruntled when he learned I was seeking alternative therapy in California. He confidently prescribed Mirapex and when I asked him what the side effects were he said perhaps some mild abdominal discomfort. I would start on a low dose for 2 weeks then call him to tell him how I was doing. He said he had prescribed it hundreds of times and said with a twinkle, I was going to be a lot better. He gave me 2 boxes of pills.

            Despite my intentions when I went in, I felt seriously torn when I walked out. It was so tempting to think that I might possibly be moving and doing things normally if I took this drug. As I drove home I was on the edge of tears, my state of mind confused. I was completely unsure of what was best. I asked for guidance from my own heart and gradually I calmed down.

When I got home I meditated, trying to clear my mind in order to better receive guidance from within myself or from higher powers. My original intentions for my treatment came back to me: I am healing myself, I am not using drugs, and I intend to be cured.

Then I went to the Internet and looked up Mirapex. The side effects I found were a lot more serious than Dr. V described. One person described it as an “insane asylum drug.” Some people described ruined marriages and ruined lives, mostly from a variety of obsessive-compulsive behaviors caused by the drug. Yes, some people said Mirapex helped them. Perhaps it could help me. But any drug that has the potential to mess with my brain that much seems like not such a good idea.

I feel good, I lead a full life, I’m happy. I don’t want to risk losing that.

Quaker Meeting

Attended Quaker meeting today. The pre-revolutionary meetinghouse is a one-room, stone building. During the summer, the doors on two sides are left open for breezes and birdsong. Once a dog wandered through. I first attended a couple of times last summer and have been going regularly since this July. It is a silent meeting, that is we sit together in silence unless someone is moved to speak. Sometimes one or more will, sometimes not.

            I keep hearing and reading about the value of meditation and prayer. My first interest was the value of meditation and prayer in healing myself. But the practice has become more than that for me.

            My homework has been 15 minutes of meditation twice a day, given to me by Rebecca of the PD Recovery Team in Santa Cruz. She gave me specific mental and breathing exercises, and the Serenity Prayer. Lately, I have added prayers of my own.

I find it is easier to pray than meditate. I recently read Breath Sweeps Mind, a collection of Buddhists essays about meditation. When I try some of the exercises in the book, I struggle to maintain a clear and focused mind. Some days, my attention seems like that of a 3-year-old child. But some days, I get a taste of what focus can be, and I like it. With prayer, I am allowed to create thoughts and at the same time I feel my thoughts.

There is time to do both in the one-hour meeting. 

Spirulina & Tango

I started the vitamin/supplement regimen today. Unfortunately, the spirulina and bee pollen don’t mix very well in the juice. The fine, velvety spirulina clings to the spoon and glass and turns the juice a deep blue green. The golden yellow nuggets of the bee pollen either float or sink, and don’t dissolve, only soften. It’s drinkable, tastes fine, but I can imagine it being more palatable in a smoothie.

            I started a second session of tango lessons today. Kerry and Elaine are my teachers. They have taken an interest in tango as a therapy for PD since they met me. They are traveling to St. Louis next week to meet with a researcher on this topic. Perhaps they will start a class especially for PDers when they feel ready. Luba and Norwig were the other pupils today. We practiced the box step and cross step singly and with a partner.

It surprises me that I can dance tango passably well, but can barely walk without stumbling. This proves the point that PD has a psychological component. It is not merely a lack of dopamine in the brain. There is certainly more to it than that.

Exercise & Supplements

It’s been about three years since I was diagnosed with PD and for the past year and a half it has been severe. I have barely any visible tremor, but I walk with great difficulty and have trouble using my right hand and the entire right side of my body. I use a wheelchair if I need to walk any distance and do a lot of things with my left hand that I used to do with my right. Driving a car is a problem because my right foot is slow and unresponsive. When I want to take a step or move my right foot it often gets “stuck” and doesn’t seem to want to move.

            I have been trying different approaches in an effort to improve my well-being and even heal myself without using drugs. From my research, I believe that PD can be cured although the neurologist who diagnosed me says there is no cure, and the only treatment a cornucopia of powerful brain drugs to ease symptoms. He does encourage exercise however.

            I agree about the exercise. Now I do a few stretching exercises every morning and take a yoga class about three times a week. I have been using a rowing machine, but that has not been going well lately. I seem to lose momentum on the forward part of the stroke. My waist is slow to bend and my arms seem to falter. I took a Feldenkrais class and a Gentle Pilates class this week too.

            Today my yoga teacher, Donna gave me a book, Entering the Castle, by Caroline Myss. Myss could be described as a healer and a mystic. Donna recommended I see her in person at a lecture or workshop, and if I could see her privately, she would probably be able to “see” what caused me to have this disease and give me help in its cure.

            I am increasing the dietary supplements I am taking after reading what Walter Last recommends for PD. Now I will be taking:

breakfast: Solgar Women’s Multi-Vitamin, 400 mg vit. E, 500, vit. C, 99 mg. potassium (for muscle cramps), ginkgo biloba (for energy), bee pollen and spirulina mixed in juice

lunch: vit. C, E, ginkgo biloba

dinner: vit. C, E, Calm (magnesium + calcium)

before breakfast & dinner: L-tyrosine (an amino acid that is a building block for dopamine)

Add to every meal: Udo’s Oil  (omega fatty acids)

My diet has been mostly vegetarian since the beginning of summer. I’m trying to cut back on sugar. I’m going back to coffee as of today as per Walter Last. This is in opposition to Jozef, the intuitive healer who gave me a diet to follow last summer.