Indulging in Joy

  The effect of having drugs that work well has made me less inclined to do the alternative therapies that I have learned about. There is so much that I want to do and am now able to do, that I get embroiled in other kinds of activities.

Christmas time this year has me buying gifts, mostly online, or wrapping homemade ones, sending packages to those who are far away, decorating a tree and decorating all around the house, and the cleaning that precedes it, cooking and baking, and inviting friends and family to spend time with us. I enjoy Christmas, and I am indulging myself in it this year.

I am still exercising at the gym though. Yoga is my mainstay, but I have been exploring other types of classes with an eye to losing weight. When the New Year comes and this distraction is past I hope to get back to my at home routine of Tai Chi Chih, and energy exercises. Maybe even meditation. I need to remember: the drugs are not a cure, and that making a change in my body for healing will need another approach.

Can the “Miracle of Christmas” help my healing? Why not, if it is following my heart? And I keep that advice to follow my heart in mind whenever I feel a twinge of guilt for indulging in joy.

Words from Beyond the Grave

Awhile back I wrote a post about the ancestor altar that I had made with photos of family as far back as my great grandparents. I have one and only one very small photo of my grandfather on my father’s side and his second wife. We are in their backyard outside of Montreal, Canada about 1960. My grandfather stands with one arm bent, the hand aloft holding a cigarette. My mother, brother and I are in the photo as well. My father has taken the picture; recording the first and last time we will see our grandfather. Or practically. We had no relationship with my grandfather who after divorcing from my grandmother when my father was a baby was a nonentity in all our lives. I knew nothing about him; when asked I was not even able to remember his first name. We were not informed when he passed away and received no remembrance in his will.

            But recently I had taken an interest in this line of the family, searching for living descendants in the old country. I learned about his brothers and sisters, and their children, and even ventured theories about this man who I had only heard was a bad man, a drinker. Why had his older brother named his son with my grandfather’s name? Why was my grandfather the only sibling to move to the New World?

            Last week when I asked for a medical intuitive reading, I was surprised when Rich made a connection to my grandfather, but then again, it also made sense. He didn’t give his name, but speaking through Rich he talked about a divorce and disarray in the family. He spoke about how this divorce affected the whole family, and me also, that growing up I maybe did not get as much love as I was supposed to get, but that my father tried. My grandfather said he saw I was making progress on my own. He said some things repeatedly: on the other side he sees the Truth; it is most important to be honest and truthful with ourselves, we get hindered by how we think, we don’t realize how great we are. While often Rich was searching, listening to something unheard by me, and tentative in his communications, there were times he became absolutely certain. His voice changed and it became sure and firm.

            “He makes me feel he was not the best person in the world – not the most inviting person in the world? Does that make sense?”  It did.

              I told my mother about my reading with Rich. I asked my mother what she remembers about my grandfather on that summer day in Canada. “He was quiet, “ she said. She remembered the one time that my grandmother talked about her first husband. My grandmother cried as she described his two-timing and bad behavior, and how she wanted to drown herself and her unborn baby. She had a miserable time. And because she had to work, she had to send her baby back to the old country to be raised by family there.

            Sadly, my grandmother was also not very close or even kind to my father. Maybe she saw the face of her despised first spouse when she looked at my father, or associated him with that unhappy time.

            I am still in a wondering state about this reading with Rich. To believe or not to believe - I am uncertain. I may never be certain about what I can believe about spirits of the dead, but I want to ask:

            “Are you willing to help me now grandfather?”

Mother's Milk and H2O2

 

People I trust encouraged me to meet with a medical intuitive named Richard. I met him hoping that he could give me some insights into my physical condition. For example, I would like to know, are there any other problems in my system that contribute to my Parkinson’s?

When I first heard his story he described an ability to “see” a person’s health conditions, for example, glowing red blood vessels in a woman with high blood pressure. As well as being a medical intuitive, Richard found as he started to work with people, that he was connecting to the spirits of dead family and loved ones. They speak to him and can advise and help the living person. It has become his primary work. His business cards reads: Spirit Medium/Medical Intuitive.

We met, just the two of us, and I tape recorded the session. I told him I was interested in a health reading, but I did not tell him anything about my health history.

 Gradually, with great concentration, his eyes moving back and forth, but not looking directly at me, he described my condition. He accurately stated that I was a teacher and that I had been interrupted in my career for health reasons. He described a disconnection or lack of communication between my nerve connections throughout my body and in my brain. 

After describing what sounded to me to be the symptoms and sources of PD he said that he also saw an environment or “atmosphere” in my body that was ripe for the formation of tumors or cysts or stones. There was sludge, bad bacteria, and accumulated waste building up inside me. He eventually pinpointed its location as being primarily in my liver and gallbladder.

He ended by telling me what my body was missing and giving me instructions for adding supplements to my diet. My reserves were depleted, he said. I was particularly in need of B vitamins and iodine. Along with adding those to my diet, he recommended acidophilus, colostrum and food grade hydrogen peroxide. These were to nourish and oxygenate my cells. I had never heard of H2O2 as an internal remedy. I read about it online and was amazed by its value for many conditions. Colostrum also, is new to me as a supplement that anyone can take. It's derived from the first milking after a cow gives birth. I thought Colostrum was available only from human mothers for their newborn babies.

I am getting ready to begin a daily morning routine taking these cleansing, and nourishing dietary aids.  It may not be delicious, and it may be tedious, but it may be helpful. I hope it will be helpful, in a big way. I asked Richard about the foods and supplements I eat. Is eating them the main thing I need to do in order to improve my health including my nervous system? He said, “It always is.”

I did not ask for his service as a spirit medium. However, a spirit, he said, did speak to him, and that spirit was my grandfather - my father’s father.

I’ll write about that in my next post.

                

           

The Parkinson Personality

      

 I have always been someone who questions myself why I do things, say things, feel things, and why things happen as they do in my life. I also spend a lot of time wondering why people react to me in the ways they do, especially when it is feels uncomfortable or negative.

            This may be, as Janice Walton-Hadlock suggests, because the “fight or flight” response is permanently turned on, or as the Chinese and energy healers might say, triple warmer is working overtime inside of me. Janice says that it is always this way for the PDer. In other words, perhaps I am in an anxious state when I am asking these questions. She suggests it is part of a Parkinson personality, a personality type that is pervasive in our population.

            My brain does buzz with a steady stream of thoughts; sometimes worries, but my interest in the personal are not all a bad thing. Recently, I dug up Riso and Hudson’s books on personality types because I remembered reading and enjoying one of their books 25 years ago. Now, as then, I want to understand myself better.

            The book to start with is Discovering Your Personality Type, which contains a questionnaire with 144 questions. It tells you how to assess yourself to learn which is your personality type and what is your “wing.”  Each of the nine types has two possible wings, so it is possible to fine-tune the result to one of 27 types.

            I remember finding Riso and Hudson’s descriptions of types in healthy, average and unhealthy modes to be illuminating for myself and in understanding my family. I also liked the potential for growth, which they call integration, or decline, which they call disintegration. The personality types are arranged on the ancient enneagram symbol and by following its pattern of movement one can learn something of your possible goal in life.              

            The second book I have is Personality Types, which contains in depth analyses of the types.

            After taking the questionnaire it was revealed that I am a number 5 with a 4 wing. Now if that corresponds with a Parkinson’s Personality I wouldn’t be surprised. But a HEALTHY 5 with a 4 wing or a 5 who is moving towards an 8… that would be different. 

           How does one get healthy? That’s what this blog is about. Learning about all aspects of your own personality is certainly helpful in becoming healthy.

            I'm wondering. Am I getting there?

           

Heart/Art Work

Why have I not been blogging? Because I, like most Americans, have been busy. But, I hope this is a substantial busyness, one with a purpose and a long-term goal. It is, that with the right activity, I will complete a transformation, even a miracle: remission of Parkinson’s Disease.

So, this summer I have been playing with visual art techniques such as clay, french dyes on silk, stone carving, multi-media drawings in a sketchbook. Then there are my domestic arts projects including gardening, furniture restoration, decorating, and culinary. All of these I consider “following my heart.” I have grown more and more heedful of this advice I was given by the PD Recovery staff in Santa Cruz.

            On the other hand there is work that I do more specifically geared towards helping my body or whatever it is (spirit? psyche?) that needs healing. This takes a little time only in my day compared to the other activities, but I do this, almost, every morning: 

Donna Eden energy exercises, specific ones that my energy worker gave me to do for homework, such as tracing all different sizes of figure eights in the air with my hands and spooning my feet with a metal spoon.

            Work out on my “Gazelle,” hopefully twice a day.

            Abs exercises for my potbelly.

            Tai Chi Chih, usually outside in bare feet.

            Some weeks I may go to as many as three yoga classes, or go for a walk or bike ride.

            It’s not much, but that is all the time I am willing to give to exercise at the moment. I am feeling well and able enough to be active. I am thankful for that. And the activity I choose is often something I love to do: creative work.

pot by Mochizuki Shu

Shiatsu & Tai Chi Chih

 

Although I am now taking drugs for PD I have not given up on other treatments. I have continued with therapy based on traditional Eastern medicine that works on the theories of energy or chi and the channels through which it moves in the body. Perhaps because of these therapies I think I am beginning to physically sense the presence of this energy in my body, something I previously could not.

My PD friend Janet, who I found through PatientsLikeMe, * recommended a Shiatsu student who needed to practice on a willing subject. I now get weekly Shiatsu from Matt who comes to my house, sets up a pad on the floor and spends a good hour or more pressing on acupressure points, stretching my limbs and joints, and kneading muscle knots in an effort to treat my chronic and more temporary complaints, and to increase energy flow. It’s not always comfortable, but I am usually stoic and don’t say a word of complaint. At other times I fall asleep, so it’s sometimes nice.

The other energy related therapy is something like exercise, though my teacher says it is not. I have returned to take a series of beginner classes in Tai Chi Chih. ** It has been a year since I took Siobhan’s class, and I haven’t tried it since the all day workshop I took last summer, but it is coming more easily and quickly to me now. Often, while I am practicing, I notice a new feeling in various parts of my body that seems to me to be energy moving. It feels as though I am a little dizzy, or that something is filling or expanding inside me. I feel that there is indeed energy present when I am scooping up energy or moving it with my hands as I do the movements of Tai Chi Chih.

After three years, I am going again to see Diana. She uses the energy healing techniques of Donna Eden in her work.  Over months of visits to her office, she introduced me to many ideas that were unusual and hard for me to accept at the time: the Tibetan rings, the holes in my aura, stuff stuck in my aura. Bizarre! It was to me bizarre, but I had some faith mixed with my skepticism. None of it helped me after months of weekly treatments and many dollars, or not that I could tell anyway. Now, I am going back. I want her to assess me again to see what she sees in my energy system. And I want to talk.

None of the alternative therapy work I did before the drugs (Qi Gong, Feldenkrais, Reiki, Tai Na or FSR "Forceless Spontaneous Release," meditation, etc. see past blogs) seemed to be of help in halting or reversing the symptoms of PD and the symptoms continued to worsen. Why do I hold out hope for any of it in helping me now? I don’t know. I have a feeling I guess, that there is something to it all, reinforced lately with the new sensations in my body. It may be a process of growth in me that tells me that now I might be ready to change on a very fundamental level. It’s a very slow process for me, but yes, I still have hope. I believe that healing is possible for PD, but it is up to me to change something inside in order to heal myself.

             

*Online site that helps people communicate and share treatments with others

who have the same health issue and their caregivers.

**A simplified form of Tai Chi created by Justin Stone consisting of 19 movements and one pose.

Art as Therapy for PD

Making art has re-entered my life. Working in the clay studio, now that the weather is warmer, has been exciting. I have made the largest piece I’ve ever attempted – a sculpture of a flower that is about 24 inches tall. Not huge, but it has to be in two parts to fit in my kiln.

            
Robert Rodger’s Parkinson’s Recovery radio blog had an interview with Nancy Tingey, an artist who studied art therapy when her husband developed PD. The painting group for PDers that she formed in Australia has been copycatted all over  the country. In the interview she speaks about the benefits of art making, specifically painting in easing the symptoms and improving the well-being of PD sufferers. A very good interview, it reinforced the sense that the clay studio is therapy for me for multiple reasons, primarily for the joy of focusing on the creation of a personal expressive object whether a painting or sculpture. I recommend this interview to all readers:

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/parkinsons-recovery/2012/04/25/painting-with-parkinsons

There is also a two-part video on Youtube about her work called "Making a Mark; art as therapy for people with Parkinson's" :

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=Making+a+Mark%3B+art+as+therapy+for+people+with+Parkinson%27s.

Wouldn't it be great if there were such groups in our country?

A New Rx

Since my last post about three months ago I have had a change in medication. Much sooner than I expected, though I had expected it one day, the Mirapex lost its efficacy. I was back to stumbling and struggling to walk even though the drug dosage had been raised gradually to its highest limit. I made an appointment with Dr. V who again as expected, prescribed a new drug to be taken: Sinemet.

            I had heard of Sinemet from my PD dance classmates. I also knew that it was a levadopa drug and the most commonly taken drug by Parkinson patients. After some discussion about other drugs I had read about during which he was fairly patient (I am a cooperative patient at last) and about drug studies he had read, I began to add a half of a 3 mg. Sinemet pill three times a day in addition to the 4.5 mg. of Mirapex I was already taking. He told me that the combination of the two was beneficial because they each performed different actions in the brain.           

            Within a couple of days the Sinemet kicked in. I could walk again. I called Dr. V two weeks later and was told to continue the course.

            I must say the drugs have been a big influence on my daily life. As I look at my last post in November of 2011 I notice that since then I have been veering from the contemplative to a more active mode. Is it only a physical response to improved mobility or is it affecting my psyche, my spirit? These are drugs that act in the brain after all where, I’m guessing, at least some of “spirit” exists.

            Anyway, I hope spirit exists inside me somewhere and is everywhere in all the activities in which I’m engaged. Anyone should not have to go to church or meeting or meditation position to be spiritual. Ideally it should be a part of our daily life - in gardening, cooking, cleaning or talking to a friend. Is this an impossible goal?

            Gurdjieff wrote, “Remember yourself always and everywhere.”

            I can only wonder, am I anywhere near doing that? I am living life with a spirit of joy almost everyday. That may be something like it.