The weather has turned, but I am still mostly indoors. Even walking into the yard to see what new flowers are up is more than I can do most of the time. My walking is awkward and strained.
I practice conscious walking with Kinhin. I noted today how amazing it is that we shift weight and balance the entire vertical mass of our bodies on one foot at a time in order to walk. How much easier if we had 4 legs like most animals! I bought a pair of walking poles to gain that advantage. For a few days I made a daily walk down the block with the poles until my right ankle began to hurt at the same time as my left toes began hurting as well (I think I have hammer toes), and so I cut back on the walking.
I continue classes. That gets me out almost daily though I must drive and my recalcitrant right foot is reluctant to make fluid reactions on the pedals. I try to talk to my car and ally myself with her, and say a little prayer that we will arrive at our destination safely.
I have attended Andrzej’s Qi Gong class one evening each week, which I’ve enjoyed. I also started a class in Tai Chi Chih with Siobhan because she also knows Qi Gong and I wanted to meet her. I liked the Tai Chi Chih and thought it had potential to be beneficial so I decided to take the series. This shortened form of 19 movements and one pose is simpler to learn than other Tai Chi forms. Siobhan is a merry sort of person and makes it fun.
One evening a week I attend a Re-evaluation Counseling class and I meet once a week with another student or the teacher for practice sessions. I have already had insights during these sessions, but don’t know if I have accomplished “discharge,” the goal of RC. I sometimes have insights during my daily meditation/prayer, so one would think by now I would be changing. Perhaps I am. Not enough to squash the PD, but that is the goal. Working at it from all angles, I can perhaps gain a handhold and rip it out of my body. Or, if I work at it and loosen it enough, maybe it will just fall out with a little nudge. I’ll keep at it.
Wow! It really is work! Besides hearing about some of this from Sylvia, I also hear (in various ways) how invisible all this work feels: people don't perceive the work you do at all.
ReplyDeleteIt's also tough for the supporters to find the balance between attention and sympathy for the sufferer, and continuing to have a growing, mutually evolving, honest relationship with that person.
RE RC discharge. I think it's all about a deep trust of ones counselor (also applies to therapists). Either the person's just not the right person (too young, too old, too inexperienced, etc..) or indeed it's about overcoming ones fears of trusting and really letting go. All takes time.
You're awesome! Big hug. LK